I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
farters have to be the big spoon...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
