if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
