now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
