Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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