I'm lost and stupid without you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
