you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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