I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im about as happy as oj after his trial
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
