Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
