Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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