He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
