I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
