Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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