Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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