Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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