she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
