He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
