How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
