I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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