Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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