I want to have your abortion
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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