she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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