I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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