Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I understand Curling. That high.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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