For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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