i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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