i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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