thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
