after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
