You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
