Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
