Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
