He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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