I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
