He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
