shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
