They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Randomize
