someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
