Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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