I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize