I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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