I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize