yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
