I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
