I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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