You can't motorboat a personality
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
