My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We need to rekindle our bromance
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
