guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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