Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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