it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
