Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
