Life is so much better after having sex.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
