i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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