Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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