I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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