I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
