just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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