I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
