Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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