whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
