If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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