I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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