physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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