i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
